How to Screw Up Standardized Testing

Instead of ranting about standardized tests, I wrote this screenplay. This is merely speculating on how they make the tests. Also, this is my first screenplay.

Dramatis personae:

Nick-member of the Ministry of Education

Joe-member of the Ministry of Education

Fe- head of the Minstry of Education

Bo- member of the Ministry of Education

Dan- A janitor who works at the Ministry if Education

Red- A beggar

Alvin- The youngest boy to earn the National Artist Award. Mute.

Trisha -math teacher of Alvin

 

Thunder could be heard. A small office with one Windows 95 computer is shown. Joe is talking to Fe. Nick is reading a celebrity gossip magazine. All of them look like teachers. The camera zooms to the door. The door opens. Bo's hair and clothing is really wet. He slammed the door omce he got in.

Fe: Finally, let's start making the BCGQ. 

Bo: Yeah. Also, the weather man gave the wrong prediction for the fifth time this week. Well, let's get this over with.

Nick: Yeah, let's make it as easy as possible. The less people fail, the smarter we look.

It will show a montage of them making the test on paper. Nothing extraordinary. They don't touch the computer.

Joe: OK, we're done with math and science. What should we do next?

Nick: I don't know. We just need to reach ten subtests. 

Fe: Let's be more productive shall we? BCGQ stands for Bobine Career Guessing Quiz. What careers do we need?

Bo: Well, there are always entrepreneurs.

Fe: Great. Let's add that. Now, who will make the test?

Nick: I know. Wait here. I'll be back.

Nick rushes to the door. He slams it with excitement.

Bo: Let's review the math portion while waiting. 

Bo looks several items then scratches his head. He grabs a pencil and starts scribbling math equations. After a while, he starts biting the pencil. 

Bo: Let's just get some high school kids and ask them if they got the answer. 

Joe: Great idea.

Fe: Now, what jobs are popular these days?

Joe: Call center agents.

Bo: Yeah, right. They talk a lot. How are we supposed to test them if it's basically a written multiple choice test?

Fe: I know, we basically make a grammar test and call it Verbal Ability.

Joe: Alright! Let's start making questions. What big words do you know?

Fe: Undoubtedly, we need a dictionary for this.

Bo: That seems big enough. Let's use that.

Fe raises her eyebrows.

Fe: Dictionary?

Joe: We could include that, but I was thinking more of undottedly.

Fe: Undoubtedly.

Joe: Yeah, that's what I said.

Fe starts massaging her forehead.

Fe: Fine, let's use it.

Joe rushes to grab a piece of paper. He starts scribbling four words with the letters A, B, C, D at the right.

Joe shows them the paper. The camera keeps looking at the paper. The camera doesn't move in this dialogue. The paper say the following:

A. Undoutedly

B. Undowtedly

C. Undoutedley

D. Undoubtedly 

Bo: Wow, these are good variations. 

Joe: Pick the right answer. Hint. It's not D.

Camera then looks at Fe. She slams her palm into her face.

Fe: D is the right answer. How about sentence construction?

Joe: Let's make a sentence about the weather forecast. It's about time people trusted the weather man.

Bo: Yeah. Let's do that everyone has been whining about how bad our country is at predicting the weather. Let's show them.

Fe slams her palm to her forehead.

Joe: Also, we should use a sentence from the magazine I just read. Really juicy material. Bruce Willis has a new scandal.

Fe sighs.

Fe: Well, it is grammatically correct. Why else would it be published? 

Nick suddenly returns with Red next to him. Red is wearing torn clothes. His face has a bit of dirt.

Nick: This guy is going to write the entrepreneur test. Beggars know what is happening in the street, so they probably know how to run a marketing agency. 

Fe: Are you stupid? They are beggars.

Nick: True, but they know how to survive with their own income. It's about time we get someone capable to make the test.

Fe: Shouldn't we get an actual entrepreneur to make this test.

Joe: Since when did an entrepreneur make a test like this? Besides, this guy dropped out if school. Bill Gates was kicked out of school.

Nick: Why don't we just vote?

Fe: Finally, some sensibility.

Joe: Who wants to use this kid to write the entrepreneur test?

All the boys raise their hands. 

Joe: We win.

Fe: Ugh. FINE. Get someone to write down what he's saying.

Nick: I think I know who...

Fe: Bo will get someone else this time.

Bo: I'll get him to come right now.

Bo yodels.

Dan suddenly appears in a cartoonish way. Plunger in one hand. Mop in the other.

Dan: Reporting for duty sir. 

Fe: Just...just type down what the boy is saying. As for the rest of you, we need to harness the creativity of the nation. Find the creative types. I'm going to leave you guys for an hour. I've got a meeting with the president.

Fe slowly walks to the door. She slams it on her way out.

Bo: What's her problem?

Everyone else on the room shrugs. Red talks like a bum. Dan tried to find the proper letters to press.

Bo: Dan, if you see a red underline just right-click and choose the first word that come out. Okay?

Dan: Yes sir. 

Red: ...buys once a week.

The camera zooms to the computer. The letters show 'vice ones a weak.' 

Bo: Oh yeah! Dan, open a new document.

Bo hands him a piece of paper. It says 'hello'

Bo: Type that down and print it in a long bond paper.

Dan: Font?

Bo: Arial. Eight.

Red shouts repeatedly "Paper killer!"

Joe: What's with him?

Bo: Dunno. Just tell him to finish the test.

The printer prints out a piece of paper. It says 'help'

Bo: I thought I told you to type what's written in the paper.

Dan: I did sir, but it had a red underline, so I had to right-click and pick the first word.

Bo: Computers. Always think they're smarter than us. 

Joe: Yeah, we rock at creativity let's show what we got.

Nick: Guys, how are we going to test creativity in a multiple choice test? Don't most businessmen steal ideas.

All of them walk around I'm circles. The camera zooms to the clock. It starts at 10:15, then the hands fast forward to 10:45. Random chatter could be heard while the hands were moving.

Nick: I know. Let's get a random object and let them choose random uses for it.

Joe: Oh yeah! 

Nick: First object?

Bo: Copper wires.

The three of them scratch their heads. 

Joe: Just Google it.

Bo: Let us praise Google for saving us. To Google!

The three of them: To Google!

Dan stands up and leaves the computer. The three of them rush to the computer bumping each other's heads in the process. Nick types 'uses for copper wire' and hits enter.

Bo: Let's just copy the answers. Then we just look at the most creative looking one. Like using copper wires as a robot toy. That looks creative. Make that the correct answer.

Nick: We need paper!

He looks at the paper printed by Bo.

Nick: Eureka!

Joe: That is so ancient.

Nick: We need more people to write stuff down for us. We lack clerks, right? Why else would we be suffering from having to force Dan to type stuff down. We need more personal assistant. Let's name the test 'Clerical test.'

Joe: Nick, you're a genius. Hitting two birds with one stone.

Bo: You're right. The test will be copying stuff correctly unlike this piece of paper I printed. I even though of a question. 'Which is correct? 

A. Hello, Hello

B. Bye, Bi

C. Hi, Hb

D. Pie, Lie'

Nick: A, obviously.

Bo: That's the gist of the test. 

At this point, I realized that I suck at writing satire, so we will end their part of the story here.

Two months later,

A school for disabled people in front and center. A big tarpaulin saying 'Alvin, youngest national artist of the Bobine islands. We are proud to say he studied here, even if he won for best silent film and we don't even teach PR enourage it here at all.' His picture is seen. 

A teacher is distributing the BCGQ results to the students. Alvin received and read the results. He crumpled the paper containing the results and threw it. Trisha approaches him.

Trisha: Is something wrong?

Alvin made a bunch of hand signals. He then pointed at the crumpled paper with angst. Trisha approaches it. She suddenly covers her mouth when she read the result.

She throws the paper away. It flies to the camera. This was what was written:

You are among the one million children who took the BCGQ. You are fortunate for we will tell you your strengths and weaknesses. 

You are horrible at creativity. You have the lowest possible score for creativity. You are better of with the not so artistic careers. Luckily, you have a very high score for Verbal Skills. You should be a receptionist, a call center agent or a secretary. We recommend you to take as many speaking courses as possible.

The Literary Proof

Let's face it. Continuity gets the middle finger. There comes a time when the writer decides to screw up everything even if he should have just made a reboot.

Highlander comes to mind. How do aliens get involved when the title is Highlander? I could rant about Zeist all day, but the video below probably does it a lot better.

via spoonyexperiment.com

I propose a solution to fix all those continuity problems. It has already been proven to work on math. Yes, math.

That's right writing a proof. Anyone who doesn't want a huge pile of hate mail thrown at him by the mail man needs to use this. That's basically anyone who needs to make something good.

Tommy Wiseau, you are exempted. Your nonsensical script in that flower shop scene made my day. For the rest of you, unless you plan to make a movie, so bad that it's good, use the mathematical proof.

How does it work?

Well, if you never had geometry back in high school, you're lucky. I will explain how these proofs work...without mentioning the word 'triangle'.

In the mathematical proof above, we see that the left column shows what is happening. The right column tells us why.

Let's use a basic story.

1. John walked to the park.  | given

Given is used any time you don't need to explain anything. You can make your given as long as you want, but make sure to limit it to just one. We don't to see John suddenly fighting aliens unless we see aliens attacking first.

Everything else needs a reason to be there. Seriously.You can't just say, "Bob killed Joe" without giving us a reason. You can't just say, "Unicorns have taken over the world" without giving us a legitimate reason.

Other than given, all your reasons should come from the right column. Yes, all of it. If you are really paranoid of that single plothole, you have to give a reason. Every. Single. Time.

Example:

1. Jack is a rich asshole drug dealer. Mary is really poor, | given
2. Mary married Jack                                                    | statement 1
3. The police wants Jack in jail.                                      | statement 1

You get the idea.

Is this a time waster or a revelation? Sound off in the comments.

The Literary Proof

Let's face it. Continuity gets the middle finger. There comes a time when the writer decides to screw up everything even if he should have just made a reboot.

Highlander comes to mind. How do aliens get involved when the title is Highlander? I could rant about Zeist all day, but the video below probably does it a lot better.

via spoonyexperiment.com

I propose a solution to fix all those continuity problems. It has already been proven to work on math. Yes, math.

That's right writing a proof. Anyone who doesn't want a huge pile of hate mail thrown at him by the mail man needs to use this. That's basically anyone who needs to make something good.

Tommy Wiseau, you are exempted. Your nonsensical script in that flower shop scene made my day. For the rest of you, unless you plan to make a movie, so bad that it's good, use the mathematical proof.

How does it work?

Well, if you never had geometry back in high school, you're lucky. I will explain how these proofs work...without mentioning the word 'triangle'.

In the mathematical proof above, we see that the left column shows what is happening. The right column tells us why.

Let's use a basic story.

1. John walked to the park.  | given

Given is used any time you don't need to explain anything. You can make your given as long as you want, but make sure to limit it to just one. We don't to see John suddenly fighting aliens unless we see aliens attacking first.

Everything else needs a reason to be there. Seriously.You can't just say, "Bob killed Joe" without giving us a reason. You can't just say, "Unicorns have taken over the world" without giving us a legitimate reason.

Other than given, all your reasons should come from the right column. Yes, all of it. If you are really paranoid of that single plothole, you have to give a reason. Every. Single. Time.

Example:

1. Jack is a rich asshole drug dealer. Mary is really poor, | given
2. Mary married Jack                                                    | statement 1
3. The police wants Jack in jail.                                      | statement 1

You get the idea.

Is this a time waster or a revelation? Sound off in the comments.

Top 3 Reasons Why You Should Watch Kamen Rider Fourze. Hint: It has some similarities to W

Just by looking at the picture above, you could come up with a reason NOT to watch Kamen Rider Fourze.

Rocket Head? That looks retarded.

What the hell is that hairdo? It reminds of this.

I could understand how Kamen Rider Fourze looks bad. On the other hand, Kamen Rider W wasn't exactly the first Kamen Rider that came to mind when you wanted to look for some cosplay.

Yes, CycloneJoker Extreme looked badass, but look at plain old Kamen Rider W. Besides, a lot of people say Kamen Rider W ranks as one of the best Kamen Rider show, so it wouldn't hurt to take a look.

Now, one of the reasons I liked Kamen Rider W was...

#3 Human Kaijins

Human Kaijins add a more humane element to the villains. These aren't just random monsters that attack the city for filler episodes. These are real people with motives for attacking. 

W was very interesting, because there were potential suspects. They couldn't single out the kaijin randomly. They aren't monsters with tentacles sticking out like a 'Kick Me' sign. They are people who need some advanced technology to actually terrorize the city.

There is the occasional bland stereotype, but we get characters who have reasons to attack. There are even genuinely good people who went bad thanks to the memories. 

OOO was a step back for me. Sure, the kaijins are attacking based on a person's desire, but they are mostly zombies who attack based on that desire. You couldn't care less if they died, because there' barely any flaws to make them more human.

Fourze has switches that random students have access to. The attacks mostly happen in the school for that reason, but a school is a pretty big place.

#2 Space High School Drama

When you watch Kamen Rider, you expect bums and freeloaders for main characters. No questions asked. Hell, these guys even have an addiction to cafes.

W was an exception, because it doesn't fit the theme. This show is like W. It sticks to a theme. 

High School dramas aren't usually interesting for me. It's a big sign that shouts stereotypes. Kamen Rider Fourze obviously fell for that trap. Don't believe me. look at the opening.

See. 

The only reason I decided to try it out is the space in Space High School Drama. It's haven't seen any show try that out.

Other than that. Besides, I like it when Kamen Rider goes for a bold new direction...just like every other season.

The High School premise combined with space is just the odd combination that I learned to expect from Kamen Rider. 

The premise is good enough for me, even if it is 90% High School Drama

As much as I hate stereotypes, the number one reason why you should watch Kamen Rider Fourze is...

#1 The Characters

Yes, the characters. Ignore the asshole popular people who appear in every TV show that involves school. Ignore the usual underdog protagonists. I was impressed with two cool characters.

Goth Hacker

Seriously, we need more of her. I seriously can't expect her next move. NEEDS HER OWN SERIES.

JK, The Gay Information Dealer

We don't usually get gays for kids show. This is also the first time I've seen a gay information dealer. I find this guy interesting.

The three main characters are intersting enough, but those two characters are so damn interesting. They should replace Gentaro and Yuki as the main characters. 

Bonus: Thoughts on the first three episodes

The first episode was good. It wasn't anything great, but basically showed us that this is more High School Drama. Also, it's good enough to make you watch it for a few more episodes.

The second episode gets the backstory out of the way and shows us how much high school life sucks and how some people will beat the crap out of the popular people given the chance(also happens on the third and fourth episodes). Wasn't anything that good, but it's what you would expect in a regualr high school drama.

The third episode stood out from all the episode I've seen so far. We get to know a bit more about the two coolest characters in the series. Also, bikini fan service. Was as god as the first two episodes plot-wise, but JK and the Goth will keep me wanting more of this show for about 20 more episodes.

Not much too say about the show other than Regular High School Drama with student kaijins, Goth and JK.

The Role Of Manifestos In Stories

Manifestos. Those annoying little things that read like a parable from the Bible.

They expect you to read it, because they think their beliefs are so cool. Sadly, I write manifestos.

Just make sure that a Twihard manifesto doesn't exist.

Manifestos, in case you didn't know, are basically opinions that the writer thought were so awesome that he wanted it to spread. 

Yes, a Friday level of viral. That's the point of writing a manifesto. You want everyone to see the world in a new way. 

Now you might be thinking "Aarghh! Corporate blog!!! The power of Spongebob compells you. Begone foul entity! We don't want to learn about brocial media and equity equality stuff."

Guess what? 

I think they suck too. Thank God nobody reads 'em. Damn, nobody reads my blog. 

Manifestos don't usually appear in corporate blogs. 

What's that? You want me to prove it. Okay. Look at it this way. Most corporate blogs are lifeless zombies. They don't really say much. They're mostly just babbling in gibberish to promote their lame-ass product. 

Yes, there are some possible good ones. And I have to admit I do read business blogs, but they're two different things. Then again, most of them bore people to death.

Manifestos are written by people who have barriers against other  people's opinions...

Okay...

Manifestos are written by people who are passionate about an idea.

But then most of these manifestos are real stuff. Not imaginary.

That joke isn't even funny!

Stories always have themes like The Room. It isn't impossible that the ideas people shout out in the streets appear in their works. 

When you write a manifesto about how China is taking over the world, I wouldn't surprised if your novel was about how China sucks out the soul out of everyone.

Manifestos even do a good job of guiding you on what to write after you lost all your memories.

Writing a manifesto makes you sound like a prophet, but then why would you write a novel about how Facebook is actually giving God all the data about your sins?

The Strange Need For Dramatization

Life isn't exactly boring. After all, it isn't worth living if it isn't as good as your favorite movie. 

I want you to remember a movie that tries to make something boring overly dramatic. Think of watching a movie where the main character just sleeps. That's it. Just sleeping.

Now imagine adding CGI thought bubbles. Extreme slow motion. Epic music. Sleep doesn't seem boring. It just looks retarded. That's what some people are doing. I call them the Dramatizers.

A message to dramatizers:

You don't have to make your problems look bigger. Seriously, we know it's bad, but we know that it's not THAT bad. 

Your girlfriend maybe bitchy, but do you really need to panic if she doesn't clean up your mess? Having someone else clean your mess is not a problem. Making it look bigger is.

Leaving for another country? That's sad. Everyone here is going to miss you, until you start screaming like your mother died when someone didn't know.

There's no need to announce that mess. Just clean it up. Some things are great for your biography, but make it great by showing us that you really are awesome, not talking about how hard it was to order someone to pick up a glass of water.

Reality shows look interesting, right? This is real footage. Real drama. No wait, it's just an editor who took out most of the happy moments away. False alarm. Not to mention, how long it takes to edit all those eating scene. Mustard all over the CCTV. Damn, if I was that editor, I would wish that his life was as interesting as the show he was editing right now. Sadly, it's not real.

Don't try to make your life look interesting by adding artificial problems. It's cute at first, until we realize how pathetic you were when you talked about the horror of losing a strand of hair. Besides, we have our own problems.

Wait, you demand a speech. What's that? You deserve recognition for being more special than the rest of us, mere mortals. Suck it up! Your part of the human race. Only the minority doesn't think they're special. You may be good in singing, dancing, academics and impressing those cubicle dudes, but the hacker right beside you is more deserving of my praise. 

The Correct Opinion

My brother showed me the notes given to them for their class. There was one statement that got my attention.

"Chinese is the most beautiful language in the world."*

What?!

Okay, let's add some considerations. We talked about the beauty of the concise language called math equations which has the advantage of being understood by all. Now, let's talk about the beauty of Chinese.

English and Japanese(or at least what I heard) have some really strict rules. English may have a lot of words, but Chinese has the advantage of just writing it.

Here's an example.

I ate some hotdog.

English requires you to stick to rules like the Subject-Transitive Verb-Direct Object. This comes with advantages and disadvantages, but the biggest disadvantage is how confusing some rules get.

Chinese is simply "Anything works as long as it makes sense." I don't usually see a lot of rules. We weren't really taught any rule in making sentences. It was just putting random words to make sense. No rule that I know of.

This highlights the advantage of Chinese for creative writing. It is flexible enough that abusing it isn't that hard to abuse it. The rules in some other language stop you from abusing the language easily, but people always find a loophole, it's just a lot harder.

I can say that it is a beautiful language, but some people prefer limits and constraints while others hate it. It's simply an opinion. The problem is when they use opinions as the correct answer in a test.

I'm not kidding. The test they had asked, "What's the most beautiful language?"
The test demanded you to write Chinese as the answer. If you wrote something else like Latin, you're wrong.

I could see you getting mad, ready to go to forums and condemn the Chinese educational system. Let me ask you this, What about the social studies topics that say Chinese are smart efficent machines programmed to be good at math and science, but suck at creativity?

I may not have access to any current social studies textbook, but the ones I encounter talk about how conservative this country was or how Westerners basically don't care about their family members. Yes, that is actually written in some textbooks. Deal with it.

Some standardized tests DEMAND that you classify a certain race as industrious or stupid. They could talk about demographics, statistics or even countries where the most terrorists came from, but everyone is an individual with their own personality.

So now we should ban social studies, right? Wasn't that the point?

NO.

I want you to look at how some things are taught to children. Don't be surprised if some people who aced standardized tests join the Klan.

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT0eagV2BSsKY72LyGx-WLZPF1f1up2kw7NOjQe0KLzIpJgWRdegQ

No, Texan conservatives. You are not getting away. I have a horde of LARPers waiting at your backyard. If you want to fight, let's settle this one on one at the back of McDonald's. Yes, THAT McDonald's.

I simply want to change your educational system, even if I barely know your history. I may not know what your significance was, but kicking out Thomas Jefferson, your FOUNDING FATHER, out of the curriculum for a more opinionated and conservative history lesson is NOT smart.

I know my economics and he happens to have made some smart moves. Unlike the moves the that lead to the recession you just suffered through.

All I could say is that I'm scared. I'm scared that schools from east to west are teaching opinions. Demanding that some opinions are be correct. An opinion is something personal. If we are forced to conform to a set of opinions, then I'd rather be a hacktivist than listen to your crap.

Also, if you are some guy from the CIA assessing threats,I have never been able to successfully kill a fly in my entire life. The oldest guy I have beaten up was 2 years old. That is all I could say about my potential as a terrorist.

*It was written in Chinese, obviously. I translated it.

Math Equations Are Better Writers Than Me

Math equations always look like evil characters banded together by these strange crosses and lines. They are ruthless in making your mind explode. They do nothing, but show you a cryptic sign that tells you that you are probably going to fail the test. Of course, if you could understand their hieroglyphic gibberish, then you probably will pass the test.

That just sums up math equations, it is a language that most people probably hate. Okay, not everyone hates it. It is certainly the language everyone understand(even if the nouns and verbs are limited)

Math equations are probably the one thing everyone understands. It is also one of the few things we were forced to understand. That simply highlights the problem. They drilled it into our heads without our permission.

That seems like a good thing. A common language everyone understands. The problem is similar to learning Chinese here in the Philippines. They keep testing you, forcing you to memorize without enjoying the beautiful syntax it offers.

Beautiful Syntax for Storytelling

Math equations offer really fast paced mysteries ,thrillers and romance stroies. Trust me.

Look at a random mediocre(or bad) story. There are times when you shout out "Get to the point!" Math equations limit you from having that problem. Watch.

3 + 2*

5 - 4  

If we were to turn that into a small romance story, it would be, Bob loves Kate, but their parents want to kill each other. Plus is love, Minus is hate. The underline represents a time bomb waiting to burst when their parents find out.

Of course, we'll probably solve 3+2 first. Bob loves Kate which results in them having a date. Simple, short and gets to the point.

Bob's father is a crime boss while Kate's dad is a CIA agent. This results in a fight scene that results in them hating each other.

Now, that these two 'solvable' problems have been taken cared of, let's continue with 5/1(this is math in elementary, you probably would have figure out the resulting fraction.)

5/1 is when their parents have a shootout that involves their kids getting caught in the middle.

It ends with a 5 which probably means something. Use your imagination. We got to the point. That short math equation ended with a very simple love story that has a bit of complexity. That's just four numbers, three operations/events.

You could clearly see the power and beauty of this short and concise language. It is limited to an infinite number of possible characters. Complex events are easily made. For example, (3x4+7/8 -2[1+5]). Three events happening simultaneously. which results in three events that result into one event(the finale).

Math equations work perfectly well as thrillers, You know these two stories divided by a line will collide into a big event. There are great subplots to keep you wanting more. It's just beautiful. In fact, you should try writing your story in math equation form. You thought it was complicated, but it was just divided by three lines only.

Try this:

Inception in a math equation(or at least what I remember):

(Leo works for Sato) (Leo recruits Ariadne)_____________________________

(Leo is using a powerful sedative entering deeper levels.) (Son's brain is fighting)

(Leo has some serious wife problems)

Done. Okay I can't recall all the details, but that's all I could remember. I could google it(I probably should), but this is close enough for me.

It already shows the conflict and it shows how the film progressed. Okay, I could refine it to mirror the plot, but this is good enough. I didn't use + and - to make it easier to understand, but it still has a similar impact.

Don't believe me, here.

(Leo + Sato) (Leo + Ariadne)

(Dream level x Sedative threat) (Brain - Leo's team)

(Leo - wife)

Now you can see how a math equation can tell an extremely interesting and complex story, while making it look simple, short and easy to understand.

Math equations tell it in a short and exiting order that does not drone for too long while giving interesting subplots. You have to see that this concise language can be used to tell very interesting stories.

Now it seems dumb to say a language is better than the writer. It's like saying a hammer is stronger than a human, but it just sums up how a tool can create better stories than a regular person who is a lot smarter including me.

Not everyone may like math equations, but it is a good language for storytelling. It's a shame that people see it as a sign of sleepless nights and painfully low grades.

*I'm sorry, but I don't know how to properly write equations in a blog.

Moymoy Palaboy Meets Miku Miku Dance

via youtube.com

I have no idea who wanted this, but then this is the internet.

Channel Ratings Are Top News Apparently

When I checked Google News for the Philippines, one of the top news was that GMA had the highest ratings. This wasn't the news that was somewhere you can't see. This was on the Top News. It was the SECOND item.

It just makes you want to scratch your head and ask. "There are thousands of murders happening, yet why the fuck is that top news?"

Come up with your own conspiracy theories or whatnot, but I have my own. What's happening is simple and I will share with you some tidbits of my childhood(Okay, just lost 90% of readers) to prove my point.

Simply put it, I had no life. I mostly watched TV when I'm not eating, sleeping, and studying. Every single ad was tailored to annoy you to death, but the biggest TV networks made sure that 75% of what you watch are ads. Most people did not have much of a choice. Most people had nothing to do, but watch about pointless things like celebrities lives. In fact, TV networks make people make a fool of themselves on national television. They made sure that every other show let people do this. Money isn't enough. People have dignity, but what if there were subtle messages to make people lose some if it.

There you have it people. They want you to lose any dignity you had. All those prejudice stories were made, because they know you were dumb enough to watch it. They try to channel your inner emo(couple with the fact that ads were made to depress you).

In the end, I will skip the explanation and get to the point. The networks made sure that there was enough influence to make some things happen. These things are as follows:

1. Make people depressed for prejudice stories(Not all are bad, but I hate them)
2. Make people insecure like missing out on something or telling you how horrible your life is.
3. Taint your perspective
4. Make sure that you are dumb enough to watch a reality show(which is anything but reality)
5. Make sure that celebrities look interesting that you care so much about their life. That way, they just get an interview and people wait just to see that.
6. Make sure that they have influence over the people. Why advertise if you can't maniulate them a bit?

That's just my theory. I might be wrong, but I'm convinced about that. What's yours? Do you actually care about who has the highest ratings?

New Prologue

Vert looked up at the sky. The clouds were still glued to each other. Sunlight rarely penetrated the clouds. Only dim light illuminated the streets. That wasn't how it was like last year.

Last year, there was still a faint of sunlight in the clouds. The fot'ns were still able to make sure everyone else was a slave. After all, fot'ns were called the creatures of the sun. Now, they were in cages.

Vert was a fot'n, but they spared him. He wasn't a king nor a prince, but a fot'n slave. Fot'ns wanted more temples, so he became a slave. As a slave, he was mocked by the other slaves and despised by the fot'ns.

Today, he starves once again. Still, left without a home. He could not find any work. His body was rendered useless. His mind is of a simpleton. His status despised by all others. No wonder, he could not find any work.

He once again looked up the sky. Still, no sunlight. If the sun was there, he could've killed everyone who refused to employ him. For now, he had to wait.

He looked around for any sign that they wanted someone to help them. The city was still in ruins. The sturctures half built. The ground still wasn't purple. He could've sniffed an lez'rs, but he has to wait another year.

A dg'tr was next to him. The dg'tr had blue colored skin. His small, dark eye was bulging. He had four hands in his right and one in his left. His body was like a bulb. The dg'tr said in dgt'fn "It's quite amazing that your once golden skin had faltered to purple once the sun disappeared. Every other race is loving their freedom except yours, yet here you are running away from your cage."

Vert's dgt'fn was rusty, but he said something that roughly translates to "I, slave. Pukva knew. Not trouble." Vert said it without much emotion.

The dg'tr merely chuckled at Vert's attempt to speak. The dg'tr said "Stop it! You are tainting my native tongue. I see that you are not employed. After all, only unemployed fot'ns would look at the sun and hope for it to return. If you will  won't feel offended, I would like to ask a question about your freedom."

Vert responded with "Ask forward."

The dg'tr asked slowly "What will you do once your race is free? They will surely turn you into a slave."

"I help. Better be slave than starve." Vert answered with some hesitation.

"Think of it this way," said the dg'tr. "We will be once again slaves to them. We can't do anything about it. We will be fed with the worst food. It's like becoming a prisoner. Now, you have freedom to do what you always wanted instead of becoming their slave once again."

Vert still didn't change his mind. He said "Before, I eat, drink, have a small home. Today, starve, thirst, no home. Better be imprisoned than free if that makes I survive."

The dg'tr said "Suit yourself. I still cannot fathom why all of you have the same answer. It's a brave new world. Take advantage of it. If it makes you want the world now, I will give you the greatest lunch you will have in your life. All I ask is that you make the biggest bet of your life and start a company. It is not an order, but I beg you. It disgusts me that a once great race has become helpless."

"Idealist, get away!" said Vert angirly.

As much as Vert starves, he will not take any risks. He starves, yet the fool asks of him to give up any chance of eating. The dg'tr may think Vert has nothing to lose, but Vert knows that it will fail. It's what his mind tells him."

Vert looked around and saw a few dg'trs entering the only restaurant that was rebuilt. It was dg'tr holiday. Their despicable body walking around fat, while a fot'n's perfect body falters.

Vert once again looked at the sky. The clouds seem to move around. It brought joy to his eyes. He looked at his purple hands becoming gold. It was time for freedom to come. He will start with the foolish dg'tr who wants him to take a foolish venture that only the royalty can do. He looked up to thank the gods. Sadly, the gods decided to make a painful miracle.

He saw irregularly shaped vf'nt and hard, round t'oks falling from the sky. They weren't scattered all over the place. They were headed for the spot that he was standing. Did he anger or please the gods? He did not know. He merely ran away.

The rain followed him. The vf'nt and t'oks were crashing on the ground. No one else was hurt. No building damaged. Only vf'nts and t'oks chasing him. He turned back and saw a large, black, floating giant spitting out the vf'nts and t'oks towards him. The giant had a horizontal eye, immobile wings and blazing farts.

The giant spoke an alien language. It roared "FACE THE WRATH Of STICKS AND STONES!"

He could not understand a single thing. He merely kept running. He turned at an alley. He looked and saw a wall. Of all the structures in the city, this wall had to trap him. He was like a hamster in a sadistic boy's room. No room to run or hide.

A hand with two fingers popped out underneath the giant.The hard fingers grasped Vert's body. Vert saw the sun once again escaping the clouds. The two fingers siddenly entered the body of the giant. Vert's vision started to become blurry, then he only saw darkness.

Vert woke up with a strange contraption on his neck. He tried to move it, but felt a sting on his neck. He tried to look around. The dim lights made him see everything as gray. He was imprisoned in a strange room. He felt smooth walls surrounding him. He tried to smash the wall, but his hands were once again purple.

A part of the wall lit up. Words of an alien language apppeared. It showed this exact message. [Welcome. I apologize that you have to be imprisoned.]

Vert's memories bursted in his head. He saw a man opening the door to him. Another thing he saw was the wall that lit up. Then a dg'tr begging a fot'n to spare him. He saw himself with golden skin, two fuschia eyes and a strong body. Then he saw his days as a slave in a cage. He finally understood what the wall was telling him.

The wall once again became gray. Green words once again appeared. This time the words were different it said [Starting today, you are now going to chronicle the events of the universe. That is all.]

Vert's memories from that day once again flashed before his eyes. He saw a historian telling everyone that the fot'ns no longer ruled the world. Then every single memory invaded his head. As much as the entire army of memories attacked his head, it only lasted a second.

Vert should have taken the risk and started a company, because he is now imprisoned. At least he got what he want. Food, water and a small home.

PROTIP for Comic Book Artists

via geeks.thedailywh.at

Darth Vader is now the Yes Man thanks to Blu-ray

via youtube.com

Hold The Button Movie Poster

Remember the really retarded game called Hold The Button. If you didn't play it. It's right there below.

via holdthebutton.com

That's right it's a game for people who literally have no life. So what happens if someone made a movie?

Well, someone took the liberty of making a movie poster.

via cracked.com

note: It's not real in case you really have no faith in Hollywood. It's just a photo from Cracked. They have a few more pictures if you want to see Flash Game Movie Adaptations.

Let's Just Be Friends

via youtube.com

With Justin Bieber gaining more popularity, it actually make you happy that people like Alex Lewis make videos like this.

The Last Medal Is Broken: Thoughts on the Kamen Rider OOO Finale

Kamen Rider OOO was a good show. It's not my favorite. It's not the most emotional. The story isn't good compared to the others, but it's not the worst.

It started off good. Halfway through, the forms were the only things that made me want to watch it. The story was interesting, but the pace was slow. After that, things got better.

The backstory wasn't that good. It didn't seem like the epic backstory we expected, but we finally understood the characters' motivations. The pace quickened and we were now seeing some of it's potential being used beyond Figuarts.

When we were reaching the finale, everything was rushed like most Kamen Rider shows. Too many things were happening, but it didn't reach the potential it could. The penultimate episode left us with two villains left. Everyone was worried that the real finale was going to take place on the Movie Wars.

In the end, the finale had a satisfying final battle. Kougami has been the weird guy who made no sense. Here, he was still weird, but you finally had a feeling you got him.

The two Births weren't important in the finale just like most Kamen Rider shows. This was really disappointing.

When the show started Hina was annoying. She made the finale work. I wanted it to be an all action episode. There were still enemies left. Hina made the episode more emotional. That's why I actually stopped hating her when the finale was near and started liking her when the show was about to end.

The effects for this episode seemed half-assed. Sure, they probably spent a lot, but it didn't look like something you would put in a finale. It didn't look that good, but it was good enough.

Eiji and Ankh were still the center of attention. Ankh got what he wanted. It was bittersweet. As much as you want him back, you know this is the best for him. Ankh's character development over the last few episodes were definitely the highlight for me, but it would have been weak without Eiji. The same goes for Eiji.

Kamen Rider OOO as a whole was not the show we expected. When we knew the enemies are Greeeds, we all had a gut feeling it was about not being greedy. Ultimately, it partially was, but it also talked about how to use desire for the greater good.

The Greeeds also could have been a lot more. Some of their aspects were used well. Not every single implications of Greeeds could be used, because the first half was mostly filler to get people to buy toys. Still, it's a lot more than you bargain for from a kid's show. W was still daring for using a drug abuse analogy.

Kamen Rider OOO was full of potential. Sadly, it could have been a lot more. At least, we didn't get anything worse.

In the end, we may have different opinions if the finale was worth watching, but we could all agree that Toei must give us a good explanation on how they could make Movie Wars.